Finding a spouse will be one of the most important decisions that you will ever make. This will be the person that you will share your hopes, dreams and the rest of your life with. CHOOSE WISELY!
First and foremost you should have the Lord at the center of your life. When we put the Lord first in our lives then everything else will fall into place. Even though you are of age you need to be sure that you are ready for dating and possibly marriage.
You must be willing to give up some of your wants and desires and start looking out for someone else. If you are not ready to do this, then you are probably not ready to start a relationship. You must be ready, financially, emotionally, and spiritually.
Don’t become impatient looking for that someone special. God’s time is the best time. You may think that you are ready for a relationship, but the Lord may want you to be single for a while for a work that He has for you to do.
Your single years should be the years that you are drawing closer to God and finding out what it is that He wants from your life. They should also be the years where you are preparing yourself to build a future by getting an education, finding a good job that will provide you with a career so that you can support your family.
Think and pray about what you want from a spouse. Have a list made up in your mind and look for those things in a person. On the top of your list should be someone who is not afraid to worship or work for the Lord, someone who has made the Church and the work of the Lord important to them.
A good way to get to know other young people, girls in this situation, is to go out with the young people in groups. Spend time with them and watch and see how they act. If you think you like someone, be patient.
Don’t just go right out and ask them out. Take your time and pray, consult your pastor and then move according to his guidance, remember he is here to help. Chances are God is probably not going to audibly talk to you but He will use other ways to speak to you and that will mainly come in the form of advice from your pastor and even your parents.
Most importantly don’t ask a girl out until you are sure that she is the one you want to spend time with. When you start talking with her make sure your intents and purposes are CLEAR.
It is not right to play with a girls’ heart, because it can be easily broken. Let her know that you would first like to just see if this is something that the Lord is leading you both into, and if it is the will of the Lord for you, then you can move on to the courting level.
If this is the girl that God has for you, things will work out fine.
READ MORE: A Happy Marriage – What It Takes
Another important aspect of finding a spouse is to make sure that you have spiritual compatibility. Amos 3:3 says, “Can two walk together unless they agree?” The answer is simply NO.
Do not put your “love” for someone else before your love for God. If you do not agree spiritually you will either have to give up that person or your relationship with God.
Believer/non-believer relationships will not work. You will not change or save a non-believer by dating them or marrying them. 2 Corinthians 6:14 “Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers….”
What does a girl want to find in a guy? I did you guys a favor and snuck a copy of a tape from the girls ‘Finding a Spouse’ class and here is what was at the top of their list for what they look for when they are eyeing a guy.
- A good spiritual life
- Involvement in the Church
- How he treats his family; mainly his parents. (A man usually tends to treat his wife the way he treats his mother)
- Responsibility; does he have a good job, is he working on financial stability. Simply; will he be able to provide for his own or is he an infidel.
- How is his spare time spent? Wisely, or is he goofing off all the time, sitting in front of the TV or playing video games. Laziness is NOT a virtue.
- Who does he associate with? People in the church, or does he spend a lot of time with the ungodly.
- What kind of goals and aspirations does he have for the future?
- Is he clean, and know how to look presentable? Grooming is important!
If a girl is not looking for these types of qualities in a young man, then she is not looking for much in a man.
So now we think we are ready. We have prayed and feel it is God’s will for us to have a spouse, we have found someone who we think matches the requirements that we have set and we have spoken to our pastor and he has given us the okay to take this girl out…..NOW WHAT?
Dating, or perhaps a better word would be courtship, is not meant to be just for fun. Courting should only happen once and end in a life-long covenant relationship. Dating happens lots of times, and ends in many hurts. Courting is done to determine if you are compatible with each other. So firstly you must work on building a friendship. Love at first sight rarely, if ever, happens. Friendship must first be developed and then love will fall into place.
While courting you should communicate with each other about your lives, your relationships with God and what you have for future hopes.
When you are courting you should start learning to honestly communicate with each other and learn how to resolve any disagreements you have maturely. Pray together when you are courting. This will lead you to praying together when you are married.
When you start courting you need to set some limitations as to what kind of “activity” you are going to engage in based on your convictions. You should not pressure each other into going somewhere or doing something that the other may not want to do.
You should not just be courting to have fun, your intentions should be clear when you start going out together and that this is to see if you can develop a friendship with each other and if it is the will of the Lord for you to move on with this relationship.
You can very easily and unintentionally lead a girl on and then if things don’t work out you will break her heart, as girls tend to fall in “love” quickly.
For example if you express some interest in a girl and she is interested in you, by the time you have your first date she is already planning a wedding and you are still trying to decide where to go for the first date. So make your intentions clear and don’t say or do anything to lead them on just so you can have fun dating.
If you remain friends during this courtship time and have a mutual agreement that this courting time is to build a solid friendship then that should eliminate all fears of unreasonable expectations.
Your marital relationship is greatly dependent on your courtship. If you learn to treat each other with respect during your courtship then you will carry that through to marriage.
If you base your courtship on Godly principles in action and in deed you will carry those Godly principles into your marriage. Courting is all about learning about each other and it is essentially the foundation that is laid to your marriage.
Don’t do anything in your courting that will make you look back after you are married with regret. Your courtship should be summed up with this scripture in Philippians 4:8 “Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.”